Greywater and laundry softener

So the thing with greywater, is suddenly you have to think about what was going down your drains and is now going into your garden. What kind of soap can you use? Or, to reverse the question, what kind of plants will tolerate household detergents? Because greywater may contain bacteria the state of New Mexico requires it be dumped immediately on the ground, with a filter to catch solids. It may not be sprayed (no sprinklers) or stored (so no processing either).

• The brief answer is, no one knows. I haven't found a forum on the web of greywater users -- even if I did, I need users in the southwest, since I need somewhat xeric plants -- and certainly plants that can take 110 degree days.
  
• The one thing you don't want to dump on any plant is hot water with chlorine bleach. Since I'm doing laundry for two kids, I'm afraid some of my wash has to be hot, and I haven't found an effective alternative to chlorine bleach. This means I need to be able to switch my laundry water from greywater to sewage occasionally. (I do intend to try using hydrogen peroxide as a bleach.)
  
  
  
• There is an ongoing study that should finish in 2011 about long term effects of greywater on landscaping. It is being carried out by the Water Enviroment Research Foundation and the preliminary document, a literature review is available.
  
• One problem with adapting soap use to greywater is that detergents are not required to label their products with ingredients. Rainwater Harvesting for Drylands and Beyond by Brad Lancaster says
  
  Unfortunately in the U.S., most soap and detergent manufacturers don’t list their ingredients except in very general terms: “cleansing agents,” “surfactants,” “brighteners,” “enzymes,” “perfumes” etc. — everything beyond that is a “trade secret.”
  
  
• Another problem is that, in addition to terms being unregulated, the words "biodegradeable", "natural", and "ecofriendly" don't necessarily mean that your garden plants will thrive on the residue. It may mean that one chemical, such as phosphate, was removed because waste processing couldn't remove it and dumping the residue of a city into a wetland cause algae growth. However phosphate may be good for your garden.
  

So what is a homeowner to do? Other than give up? First, while worrying about what goes into your water sounds like a pain, it's really not any different that recycling -- it's probably about time I gave it some thought, rather than feeling like everything that went down the drain was "taken care of". Second, because New Mexico doesn't allow greywater from dishwashers or the kitchen sink, I don't have to fuss with dishwasher detergent or hand dish soap. Finally there are some simple things (from WERF and Lancaster's site).

• Use less soap. Much of my laundry can probably be done with half the soap recommended (and that's already not a lot, since I have a front-loading machine).
  
• Try to avoid soaps that contain salts. Since, except for August monsoon season, there won't be a chance to flush the garden of salts, trying just to reduce salt alone won't drive me as crazy as trying to eliminate everything. Start by using liquid, rather than powered soap, since liquid soaps have water as a filler, and powered soaps often have sodium compounds as filler.
  
• Plant only things that are pretty salt tolerant. This requires a change in thinking: Buffalo Grass is a low-water using grass that is very popular in New Mexico -- but it's not salt-tolerant. Bermuda grass is a high water using grass that is very salt tolerant. The amount of water bothers me, but with 65 gallons a day of greywater, we have plenty for Bermuda (Buffalo grass takes about a third of what Bermuda requires).